Monday, January 30, 2012

The Re-hydration Theory

I know a kid that smells awful. I would rather do lines of mulch then smell him. Ass smell wouldn't give his odor justice. His friend who lived with him for a year told several sources he would fake shower. So, he goes into the bathroom, turns on the water and comes out completely dry. One day I went to help move a mutual friend of ours. This kid was wearing white gym shorts... yes, it was the middle of summer and very hot. Naturally anyone moving heavy furniture is going to smell some, but this was unbearable. You're moving a couch with him and it was like you were huffing asshole, dead skunk, sewage and nuclear waste. In fact I had to move three items in a row with him. I was at my breaking point. I faked injury to avoid moving any more stuff with him. While I was sitting down for a bit he walked by and I noticed his shorts had a huge spot on them. A brown spot... thus the re-hydration theory was born. It was as if his swamp ass had revived old crusty shit in his ass crack, re-hydrating the shit and giving off the most pungent smell I have ever come across in my lifetime. I don't know how anyone can smell this bad. It gets worse though... after the move was completed we were all resting and he had the audacity to tell the group about all the pussy he was getting. It's like okay bro, sure. Every story seems to be the same too. "Yeah I was out at the bar and I looked over saw this girl she was an 11 out of 10 aaannnndd I fucked her." So you're sitting there like okay how was it? There were never any details, just "I fucked her"... I'm sorry there is nobody on this planet that would fuck this kid with his awful zits pussing, horrible ass smell, and brown feet that were also repulsive in every way imaginable. It is in my opinion that even a hooker would turn him down. Hands down worst smell ever.

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