Thursday, June 25, 2009

Jacko

By now you've probably heard Michael Jackson died from a heart attack. I'm not sure if his favorite 9 year old couldn't make it over for the night or not, but it's shocking how many people that hate on him for being that pervert have the "RIP MJ" everywhere all over there Facebooks and shit. Give me a break people. Aren't you the same fuckers that called him "Jacko the Wacko"? Sure I can respect that he was the King of Pop, but I know that he's probably slapping hands with Satan right now about to bend over another little boy in Hells' version of Neverland. The only difference is this time nobody will care. Sure the guy had issues.. I mean his skin color changed and his nose was well I don't know how to go about describing the overall Michael Jackson transformation other than being somewhat corny and making a Thriller reference. Now they aren't even sure how he died? How am I not surprised? This whole thing is so creepy and I can't wait for it to be over. I whole idea of him being too stupid to understand you can't just have slumber parties at Neverland is unreal. It's over now and the world is safer I guess, now we must mush through this bullshit.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Refugee

I've had my license suspended for the last 3 months by my doctor.. so if you thought I got a speeding ticket or a DUI, nice try asshole. Because of this very large inconvenience I find it hard to get shit done. Simple things like going to get food at the grocery store becomes like a huge event. I am painfully forced to take the COTA buses everywhere... lets talk about the COTA bus experience, shall we? Today I saw hands down the greatest she-mullet of all time, nothing can change my mind. What else? Black people... that probably says it all, but I'm an asshole so I'm going to elaborate. Lets just say when you're the 20 year old white male boarding the bus with the ipod you aren't well liked. You're probably saying that's stupid. Why the fuck would you do that shit? Won't you get jumped? Well I have exorcized my "I don't give a shit anymore right" maybe I have my ipod because I couldn't stand listening to the awful conversations these people have amongst themselves. Peppered constantly with "nigga", "that's fucked up", "nephew", "sista", and the usual's ("probation", "court", "damn", etc..). A 5 minute bus ride and you become about 30 times dumber than you were before you got on. The bus drivers are always quite the characters themselves since they have to deal with crackheads all the time. They yell at people all the time it's great. Today I was called after my eye exam by my father... "I'm at Refugee and fucking Eastland Four." I actually found myself saying this. Wow. Yes, what the fuck does that mean? that is the intersection I was at for all of you adventurous ones out there I have supplied a link to illustrate just exactly where the fuck I was. MAP Zoom out and look in relation to Ohio State, now think without a car.. I was standing there for an hour and a half in the 90 degree heat with my thumbs up my ass waiting on a bus that I wasn't even sure was going to take me to the proper destination. Great. Fuck me right? At least there was this spectacular she-mullet at the stop with me and her white trash family. God. That bus wasn't going to be taking me the entire way I knew I was going to have to take several buses. What was great is the other bus I got on there were people standing so I had to fucking stand so it was fucking excellent because a bunch of people were crammed in. I got to my eye exam at 11:30, I walked in the door of my place at 3:15... I hate not being able to drive. July 1st can't come any sooner.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Return

The other day I received a text message from my bitch "mother"... If you don't recall I hate her for countless reasons. I'm not sure how she got my cell number, probably online at one of the pay sites because she is pathetic. This is the first time she has text me on this number so I was pissed beyond belief. She sends the most irritating shit to me as well and it just keeps coming. She also sends those irritating chain texts that everyone in her phonebook gets, God, kill me. I’m looking to change my number again though because she is that awful. It really is enough to make you go crazy; she is the worst person on the face of the Earth. Funny thing, my brother remind me the other day how about how she used to pack us plain cheese sandwiches in our lunches. Yes, that's right a cheese fucking sandwich, made with bread and American cheese... yum. I would get that like 4 days in a row as well. Anything would be an improvement to a cheese fucking sandwich. Now there was lunchmeat in the fridge, it isn't like there was only cheese in the fridge.. Even then what the fuck was she eating for lunch? Oh yeah that's right.. the bitch was going out to the Cheese Cake Factory with her psycho friends. Maybe she got confused? There was also the peanut butter sandwich that we would get frequently in our lunches when there was a sufficient supply of jelly. Anyways I'm getting my wisdom teeth out in the near future and she won't be here to take my pain killers... bitch.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

KFC "Grilled"...

It's come to my attention I haven't ripped anyone in a while.. well that time has ended my friends so lets go out and get our sticks because the piƱata is about to break on Yum! Brands...

Alright bitches welcome to class, I'm sure you just saw the video you were supposed to watch, if not fucking watch it now. Yum! Brands operates or gives licenses' to Taco Bell, KFC, Pizza Hut, and Long John Silver's restaurants worldwide (for all you that don't know).. moving on.. Yum!, what is it you don't understand? These people don't go to KFC... I've asked a few people I don't know anyone that goes there. In fact I don't know anyone who has tried the new grilled bullshit you're pumping out. Isn't the whole point of going to KFC to get the crispy shit on the chicken?.. Then you make it sound like it's such a great deal... 10 DOLLARS! FOR SHIT WE DON'T REALLY EVEN FUCKIN' WANT! 10 dollars at your other establishment Taco Bell would feed a family of 8. I can go out to eat and leave a fuckin' tip at a nice restaurant for 10 dollars... This isn't a good fuckin' deal, lets face it the only people eating at KFC are Ricky Bobby and Cal Norton Jr... If you are black.. you also prolly will go to KFC, but not for the fucking grilled? Look at the people in this commercial, holy shit! Why? Just why? How can you let your company be viewed in this manner? The asian guys? Really? Is that Mr. Miyagi from the Karate Kid? And the white people? I feel like I'm watching Dave Chappelle's "Pixie" sketch. They have people wearing the same outfits.. it's just too gay for me. Yum!, please stop pushing it with these awful ads, they aren't working... in fact they are doing the opposite the slight chance that I had that I would go to KFC in 20 years might be tainted. So please focus your money on Taco Bell a quality product.

The Magic Number

mclovin-license by Buxomia."Must Be 21 To Drink"... yeah we have all seen it and we probably at some point have all said "fuck that".. My 21st Birthday is in one month am I going to mature in a month? I don't think so, there are plenty of fucks out there over 21 that are not fit to drink alright. Having a July birthday blows.. all my friends have turned 21 before me, somehow I find my ways into bars. I've never had a fake i.d. to call my own. I can't say I have a McLovin vibe to myself were I get a fake and go buy 80 dollars worth of shit. Have I used peoples i.d's?.. yes. Not all of them work. Usually all I want to do is go out to the bars and have like a few beers and that's it, but God forbid the Government says I can't.. I haven't been caught yet and I'm hoping to keep it that way. If they do catch me I guess I should ask them what's taken them so fuckin' long? Days of freedom approach, untill then I'm keeping a low profile.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Epic Games

There are games in our lives we remember.. the ones that were the most important, the ones that were the most fun and the ones that caused the most pain. In drinking games there are many that stand out.. sure there are great runs in pong that I've had where it seemed I couldn't miss, but the games itself we are talking... epic games, games you create with the boys. The night of the Grand Master seems to stick out first, legendary, I'll never forget it. Now the game was very complex and you pretty much had to be there, but basically the Grand Master can do pretty much whatever he wants and gives out drinks and makes certain rules. I remember I had to sing for a full minute of some shitty song I didn't know the words to or I would have to take down a full beer. Yesterday we played our version of drinking Monopoly.. it was brutal. Examples of some rules: go to jail is a full beer, waterworks is a shotgun session, railroads are beer runs for everyone, and drinks are given out according to amount owed (I can't remember what the official amount was).. Regardless, I think I was taking the worst out of anyone with about 5 full beers I had to chug. It was a classic game and we took down the rules so I can definitely see it becoming a new house tradition.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I'm Offended in Every Way Possible...

"The whistles go whoo"

Dude... dude, wow. Bubb Rubb and Lil Sis... I'm trying not to be racist, but I mean come on are they not living up to their negative stereotypes? Holy shit, what other activities does motherfucking Bubb Rubb take part in? Bubb Rubb's whistle tip is his alarm clock? If anything you're just going to end up fucking yourself Bubb Rubb when you're trying to hide from the cops and they can hear your car everywhere.. this is exactly why you're name is fucking Bubb Rubb and you are fucking a dumb bitch like Lil Sis right now. Lil Sis.. seriously? Decoration? Really is that what its for? So you guys can't afford to pay for food or you're taxes, but you can make it go whoo whoo right? I want to projectile vomit all over you then proceed to plant, pivot, and shit on you both.. you suck at life. They couldn't even drive straight ahead for the cameras (they went across the double yellow and went through a fucking stop sign in the process as well as almost hitting another car). WOW! If anything outlaw these fucks from driving.

Monday, June 1, 2009

A Message to My Readers

If you haven't noticed I've been up to speed with my blog now that school is coming to an end in the next two weeks and I've been cramming all my shit in. I've also been getting numerous doctors appointments in Cincinnati where I find them to be helpful, but the people that take my blood for the tests are incompetent since I had to go back so they could re-stab me... I've been writing these stupid papers that waste my time.. statistics is another class I am taking, the "labs".. also a waste of time. The countdown to June 10th is ticking, until then I'm not sure as to how many blogs I'll have up, but I have been compiling a grand amount of material for when I get the time to write them. For now hang tight and hopefully I can squeeze one out between now and June 10th.