Saturday, May 16, 2009

The Wall Street Journal

Most likely everyone has gone through a traumatic experience in their lifetime. I suffer from more mild traumatic events daily. There are few things in the world more important than toilet paper, lets be honest. If you go to someones house and they have shitty t.p. you judge them, well I do. I appreciate a home equipt with quality t.p. because I myself pride myself on the same. When I first moved into my house I bought 12 Angel Soft rolls and kept them by my prized shitter... Mistake. When I left for Boston I returned only to find out midshit I was going to have to improvise on what to wipe my ass with. Now nothing is worse than sitting there contemplating your moves or lack there of with shit all over your ass. The list usually begins with who is home.. of course nobody, nearest t.p. supply? (I don't know I just moved in), nearest paper towel or napkin supply (don't act like you haven't thought of these before you fucks I know you've done it), and lastly ShamWow? The only thing I could think of was killing whoever took all 12 rolls and what to use on my ass. Sadly I had spotted what I was going to use.. fucking newspaper, yes, great I was going to ink my ass up literally. Of course it had to be a good newspaper too, possibly the best out there, The Wall Street Journal. I would of loved to have wiped my ass with the Columbus Dispatch or the shitty Ohio State paper, "The Lantern". I would have been fine defacing those, but it never works out that way. What are people going to do in the future when the papers are all online? Anyways.. I'm glad my roommate orders The Wall Street Journal, who knows I might get it myself now.

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