Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Moving

Moving sucks if you don't have a moving company. Recently, I helped my brother move into his new house. My brother had a team put together so there were 5 of us total. Well apparently in a group of 20-25 year old men you need to make sure everyone has thoroughly wiped their ass... one of my brothers friends who was helping him move must have forgot to wipe. This kid looked like he hadn't bathed in like 3 days to start, but when you're moving it's hard work so your expected to sweat. Well swamp ass is normal when moving, but in my brothers friends case it was different. His swamp ass rehydrated old crusty shit that had been there from the day before most likely. I can't put into words how bad this shit smelled. Not to mention he was wearing white gym shorts and it created a brown shit stain on them. The swamp ass and shit combo was unbearable while moving and lifting heavy objects. I kept getting screwed over into moving things with him.. every time there was a gust of wind I'd smell his shit pants. I wanted to say something, but what do you say? "Hey man you shit yourself, or hey dude you have shit on you, or did you shit your pants?" I couldn't decide the best case of action. Then while conversing he starts talking about his plans for that afternoon... "Yeah man I think I'm going to get laid tonight" as I sit and think to myself God man I really hope you wipe your ass or hope to god that girl has a shit smell fetish. This brought a debate later on between the rest of those who witnessed this if his condition would be considered a blumpkin. It was later ruled that it would just be considered a b.j. with shit in his pants. Regardless I've smelled some foul shit in my day, the worst smelling fart would be put to shame by what was on his ass that day. Bottom line though is if you are moving someone and one of the team members has shit on their ass.. you don't belong.

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