Thursday, March 26, 2009

You have to know at least one

If you're a guy there is always that one guy that separates himself from the group with what kind of ass he pulls. In my group of friends that isn't a good thing.. my friend, Sir K-Ylenfeet the Great, is a notorious slayer of fat bitches. It is well known that his hook ups seem to be exclusively with fat bitches, for a visual we are talking creatures that are around 180 to 200 lbs. He would be the star of "deadliest catch" on the discovery channel for he has a fat bitch homing device. Now don't get me wrong he is one of my good friends, but I don't understand why he just goes about plowing these big sloppy pigs. It is up in the air that he also may have a foot fetish its not confirmed, but I'm going to try to convince myself that it's not true regardless to the evidence implying he does. He is quite an awkward person and says very inappropriate and perverted things with girls around. Every girl I've had a chance with that he meets, I never hear from them again. But back to the bitches he has gone through.. lets see so many.. ah yes we will start with a girl he dated for about a year who looked like Shrek, I don't have to say much about this other than she looked like Shrek and nobody liked her. Another huge bitch he plowed at my friends house although he denies doing it even though my buddy walked in on him riding this full grown bull on the floor. Yes, alcohol was involved, but I don't give a shit how drunk or fucked up I am there is no way I'd ever touch that thing. Then he fucked this girl who looked like a celebrity look a like. You're probably thinking "good for him, he finally got a good one"... wrong. This bitch looked like fucking Gary Busey, if you don't know who Gary Busey is google him now and prepare a doggy bag to puke in. The sad part is that she was a fatter version of Gary Busey. The list goes on, but there are times where he brags about fucking these ugly ass bitches. I don't know how to break it to him, I've tried and it doesn't seem to sink in because it keeps happening. Although the most fucked up shit of all is that he has tried to call me out saying some of the girls I've been with are sluts or whatever. It's like really are we going to go down this road Sir K-Ylenfeet the Great? Although I do feel bad since he comes from a family of creepers, his father Mr. K-Ylenfeet is by far the creepiest/scariest man I've ever encountered in my life. Only time will tell if Sir K-Ylenfeet the Great starts banging decent looking girls, I'll be praying for him.

News

I can't watch the news anymore. I really made an effort to for a while, but when I want to see what the great Obama is going to do for the economy all I hear about is his NCAA bracket, what his first meal was on Air Force One, and how he plans to put a basketball court on the White House property... Ok great what is he doing for us? All I know is that he is granting bailouts and the companies getting bailed out are giving bonuses with that money. Are we serious? Obama scolded the companies that gave out bonuses. Oh my wow that's so intimidating, I mean really we couldn't have some guidelines to these bailouts? I heard one company used their bailout money to buy a Super Bowl ad. This is the CHANGE and HOPE everyone was looking for. As far as I'm concerned we have a pussy in office. I'm sure by now you can be smart enough to determine I voted for McCain. Even fucking Iran is calling Obama out on his message on "change" in which Obama took the pussy approach there as well. So I now get my news online. I can see why the newspapers are dropping like flies. If you want to watch the news and see how big Obama's first shit was in the White House and what he named it be my guest. You will be under a rock blinded by the cult and theory that Obama does no wrong.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

"Church People"

Don't get me wrong there are plenty of genuine church goers. Although people like Joyce Meyer (who my bitch "mother" idolized), Joel Osteen, and ect. They all preach the word of God and live in mansions... Doesn't anyone have an issue with that? Oh wait that's right people are stupid (such as my "mother") and don't realize they are being taken advantage of. Joyce Meyer lives a quite Church lifestyle with reported $23,000 commodes, S30,000 conference tables, and $11,219 French clocks and expensive houses for her and her family. She has 5 houses, the largest is 10,000 sq ft. on a 3 acre property fully equipt with everything you would want.. if not I'm sure the ministry would be glad to add it on. It sickens me that this bitch makes this much money saying things like "Individuals need to be willing to face truth about their attitudes, behaviors, even what we want out of life."... Yes, how about "Bitches that make money off of stupid people and live in five I don't know lets say 10 million dollar homes because of it need to go straight to hell, don't pass GO don't collect 200 dollars." For all of these cult like followers (my "mother") I question them.. do they approve of this? I mean if you are a church goer how can you support this bitch? I tried to talk to my "mother" about this a long time ago when I was on speaking terms with her, but God forbid if I question the great Joyce Meyer. She is a saint compared to me isn't she.. well I hope the bitch burns in hell like she deserves. I mean for those who don't go to church and you see this kind of shit is it not a huge turn off? I don't belong in a materialistic world with a bunch of fake "church people".

Moving

Moving sucks if you don't have a moving company. Recently, I helped my brother move into his new house. My brother had a team put together so there were 5 of us total. Well apparently in a group of 20-25 year old men you need to make sure everyone has thoroughly wiped their ass... one of my brothers friends who was helping him move must have forgot to wipe. This kid looked like he hadn't bathed in like 3 days to start, but when you're moving it's hard work so your expected to sweat. Well swamp ass is normal when moving, but in my brothers friends case it was different. His swamp ass rehydrated old crusty shit that had been there from the day before most likely. I can't put into words how bad this shit smelled. Not to mention he was wearing white gym shorts and it created a brown shit stain on them. The swamp ass and shit combo was unbearable while moving and lifting heavy objects. I kept getting screwed over into moving things with him.. every time there was a gust of wind I'd smell his shit pants. I wanted to say something, but what do you say? "Hey man you shit yourself, or hey dude you have shit on you, or did you shit your pants?" I couldn't decide the best case of action. Then while conversing he starts talking about his plans for that afternoon... "Yeah man I think I'm going to get laid tonight" as I sit and think to myself God man I really hope you wipe your ass or hope to god that girl has a shit smell fetish. This brought a debate later on between the rest of those who witnessed this if his condition would be considered a blumpkin. It was later ruled that it would just be considered a b.j. with shit in his pants. Regardless I've smelled some foul shit in my day, the worst smelling fart would be put to shame by what was on his ass that day. Bottom line though is if you are moving someone and one of the team members has shit on their ass.. you don't belong.

Luke Harangody Sucks... and basketball in general

Need I say more? I mean he has to have the gayest name ever... Harangody aldkfja;lsidjfi it's awful. Have you seen this guy? God he sucks I mean nothing could possibly be worse than losing to fucking Harangody... I mean am I the only one who thinks he sucks and will be a doormat in the NBA? Dwight Howard vs. Harangody.. think about it. I'm currently pissed off because I made a bet on the game tonight hoping UK would beat Harangody and Notre Dame, but obviously I should have never bet on the game because I always make bad bets because I have bias views of games I bet on which seems to be an issue of mine. I happen to be a fan of the UC Bearcats so betting in favor of UK just shows the hate I have for Harangody. UC beat ND 93-83 this year in the Big East and they swept Georgetown... Yes, UC did blow their chance to get into the NCAA tourney at the end of the season, but look it..ND and Georgetown both got into the NIT tourney at least and UC didn't? Is it because the fucking people picking the NIT just wanted to throw Harangodys' gay ass on TV some more? I bet on UK though tonight (speaking of basketball programs that have gone down the shitter) why? Because I think Harangody sucks, but in reality he's fatter than everyone else and just uses his fat body to throw up hook shots that magically go in. The game of basketball has always fascinated me as to how a team can suck.. I mean think about it there are only 5 guys on the floor if one of them is worth a shit and the others are just okay you'd think you would have a chance, but look at the Knicks last year. Basketball is a bullshit sport dominated by officials and faking fouls kind of like soccer, but I'm not even going to go down that road. I feel basketball is the most over hyped sport out there which is why guys who have never played from other countries who happen to be tall can shoot around for a month and then go into the NBA... point made.